Cynthia,
It supprising how easy it is to offend someone with the written word. When they are not here to hear the deflection/tone of our comments, when they cannot see the look on our face when we type those words. I myself have had to go back and make a couple of apoligies because I did not take the time to think how my statements could be interpreted. Or because I was so busy that when someone spent a couple of hours out of their day to check something for me and all I had was time to reply "Thanks". Or I read the email and did not have time to reply fully so I put the email back expecting to have time later that day or maybe tomorrow, and tomorrow never comes. Therefore I apologize if I have offended anyone.
Thanks,
Stan
-----Original Message-----
From: Cynthia B. Gooch <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: Tue, 15 Jul 2008 6:57 pm
Subject: Re: Thoughtlessness on the part of recipients of help
When I was younger (pre-marriage and pre-children), I used to wonder why
my mother cared so much about dead people, or people she was related to
but had never met. After I married and discovered that my husband couldn't
even tell me the names of his first cousins (and he doesn't have that many), I
thought about my mother and began to write down as much family history as I
could from my husband's living relatives.
It didn't take long for me to "catch the bug." I get so involved when doing
research that hours and hours pass by and I've never even suspected how
many. (I'm sure most of you can identify with this.)
My mother taught me to always send a SASE with every mail request and to
pay for copies of things I'd requested. BUT - without her having told me that
this is both courteous and expected, I think it would have taken me a while to
figure it out. I don't think I'm not polite - I just would have gotten too
excited about finding something new and would have totally missed the fact
that any help demands - at the very least - a decent thank you. You may
call me ill-bred, ignorant, or whatever you like, but I know how completely
stupid I can be when I'm distracted. I've never intentionally ignored anyone's
help, but I can't help but wonder - even with my mother's instructions -
whether I've offended someone who helped me somewhere along the line.
Cynthia Gooch - Phoenix, AZ
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